Tiny Tilly Tinkleton
Tiny Tilly Tinkleton is a character that I invented for my daughters. This is her first adventure.
Tiny Tilly Tinkleton was an animal lover at heart.
When asked to name her favourite beast she never knew where to start.
The lion or elephant, monkey or crocodile, tortoise or tiger or frog,
She loved every creature that lives in our world
And of course Mr Bones, her dog.
Young Tilly spent days with her nose in her nature books,
Gazing at photos and maps,
And every new species that leaped from the page
She gasped in sheer wonderment at.
One morning while pondering which was her favourite
While eating their muesli and fruit,
Tinkles was inspired when, out of the blue,
Mr Bones let loose a huge toot
‘Of course! Silly me! What a smashing idea!
It’s been right there in front of my eyes.
We shall challenge each beast to let rip as they please
And the funniest one gets the prize!’
Before they began she concocted a potion
Which she stirred up and stewed on a flame,
Made from dried prunes and apricots, baked beans and pulses
And bottom cough brew was its name.
With that she set off, Mr Bones in tow
With a bottle of bottom cough brew,
And they scampered straight in with a wink and a grin
Through the gates of the great London Zoo.
They stopped at a map which they studied intensely
While plotting which course they should take
Before turning sharp left to the penguin enclosure
And scurrying up to the gate.
‘Good day Mr Penguin, it’s top trumping time:
Open wide, spin around, count to four.
Then rootitoot toot toot, by the power of poop,
Let rip like you’ve never ripped before!’
‘FWEEEEEEEEP’ went the penguin, a high pitched squeak
Like an out of tune choir of mice.
‘Amazing!’ Laughed tinkles, ‘a round of applause.
For a ripper that sounded quite nice’.
Next they walked round to a big muddy pond
Where two pygmy hippos were playing.
‘It smells like they’ve beaten us to it’, said Tilly
‘I’m sure that they won’t mind me saying’.
‘Hello Mrs Hippo, it’s top trumping time:
Open wide, spin around, count to four.
Then rootitoot toot toot, by the power of poop,
Let rip like you’ve never ripped before!’
‘BLAAAAAAARP’ went the hippo, a trumpeting hoot
Like the horn of a very large ship.
‘Astounding!’ Cried tinkles, ‘a round of applause.
What a nautical way to let rip’.
Then Tinkles and Bones toddled round to the monkeys,
All swinging and larking around.
‘Now these boys are noisy, they won’t need much help
To create a cacophonous sound.’
‘Tally ho Mr Monkey, it’s top trumping time:
Open wide, spin around, count to four.
Then rootitoot toot toot, by the power of poop
Let rip like you’ve never ripped before!’
‘FRRROOOOOOOP’ pooped the monkey, a throaty guffaw,
Like a middle-pitched note on a trumpet
‘Extraordinary!’ Squawked tinkles, ‘a round of applause.
‘Much more fruity and we’d need a crumpet’.
The next beast they saw was a huge growling lion
Who was lying asleep in the sun.
They tip-toed right in and then hopped up a tree
Pouring bottom cough brew on his tongue.
‘Wake up Mr Lion, it’s top trumping time:
Open wide, spin around, count to four.
Then rootitoot toot toot, by the power of poop
Let rip like you’ve never ripped before!’
‘SKROOOOOOOOONK’ went the lion, a vast meaty foghorn,
Like a bull who’s got stuck in a grate
‘Astonishing!’, cawed Tinkles, ‘a round of applause.
Anyone for an overcooked steak?’.
Still up in the tree, Tilly spotted a head
On the end of a very long neck.
‘Is that a giraffe or a crane with a face?’
So they clambered on over to check.
‘Hi there Miss Giraffe, it’s top trumping time:
Open wide, spin around, count to four.
Then rootitoot toot toot, by the power of poop,
Let rip like you’ve never ripped before!’
‘GRAAAAAAAAWK’ the giraffe grunted, the song of the plains,
Like a blown blade of grass in your hands.
‘Superb!’ Cackled Tilly, ‘a round of applause.
I thought bonfires in zoos had been banned!’.
Their last port of call was the deep dark aquarium,
Frothing with fish, crabs and sharks.
‘Mr Bones, you wait here,’ piped up Tinkles the brave
And then popped on her snorkel and mask.
‘Wibble wobble, Master Jellyfish, it’s top trumping time:
Open wide, spin around, count to four.
Then rootitoot toot toot, by the power of poop
Let rip like you’ve never ripped before!’
……….But the jellyfish was silent, no bubbles came out,
Not even a silent but deadly.
‘So jellyfish can’t fart? The only creature alive
That’s denied its own bell-bottom medley?’.
As tinkles was pondering this mind-blowing fact
A clam grabbed her foot in its mouth,
And try as she might, though she wriggled and jiggled
she simply could not pull it out.
Mr Bones saw her struggling and, bold as can be,
Glugged down all of the Bottom Cough Brew
And then dived in the pool and sank like a stone
To where Tilly was trapped by her shoe.
Tiny Tinkles held tight, Mr Bones span around
and then counted to four through the bubbles,
Before letting loose a ripper so powerful and long
That it blasted them right out of trouble.
As they shot like a rocket straight out of the water
They cackled so hard their sides ached,
And they left a wet trail like a 6-legged snail
When they laughed their way out of the gate.
And as they sat in dry towels eating hot lentil soup
In the comfort and warmth of their home,
Tilly said ‘There’s no question who’s Champion Trumper:
My best friend and best beast: Mr Bones!’.